Day 1: This is What a Bad Day Looks Like

Yesterday’s starting weight: 219 pounds flat.

Calories: 1220. That includes more carbs than I should have had, specifically four slices of sourdough toast. In my defense, that is the good sourdough from San Francisco. It was sent to me as a gift and it would be churlish and stupid to refuse to nom nom nom that all up. It’s almost gone now, I’ll probably have a piece or two today and then it’ll all be over. Other than the sourdough I was good.

Exercise: no 7 minute workout and no walk. Total cosmic fail.

Work: zero work, zero income. Also total fail.

Today’s weight: DOWN .2 of a pound, which is better than I deserved given the carbs and the lack of movement. Today’s weight: 218.8. Just another 4 pounds to the 30 pound loss mark.

Yesterday’s legal issues really effected my functioning. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been that far off the mark. At some point in the afternoon, a stranger drove up to the house and rang the doorbell. I had just gotten out of the bath so I figured, let him ring. I watched on the video feed, though. He rang the doorbell, stood on my driveway talking on his phone, walked next door, came back, sat by his car, came back up and knocked on the door, more driveway phone time, and then he left. This is a nothing event. It could have been anything at all. But I was convinced that he was trying to serve me with more legal papers from my ex. Even though he had nothing in his hands.

I was a shaking, nervous wreck, even with the buspar to soothe my nerves. Nothing I could do would calm me down. In the end, I couldn’t sleep. This is not new, the anxiety makes me have sleep issues. I took a unisom. And then another. And then another. It should never take three unisom to put me to sleep. And of course, that many sleeping pills made me sleep heavy and long and it was late when I woke up so today is off schedule already.

Today’s life issue: the day is half over and I’ve done nothing, so I’m behind schedule. This is the last full work day I had, too. Tomorrow I have to take the husband into work in the morning and then do PTA in the early evening, Thursday I have therapy and the kids, and then Friday I have the endodontist appointment. The goal for today is to complete a full day’s work and do the exercise.

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