Days 31-33: Depression is SO BORING

Yesterday’s starting weight: 218.6

Today’s starting weight: 216.6

I have spent the entire week sunk in depression so deep that I was dreaming of death. I had a dream that I was old, living in an old person’s home, spending my waking hours reading, and in my dream I thought, why don’t I die now? I’m just killing time here.

Friday the ex decided to handle my objection to him forcing the girls to call their stepmom “mom” by claiming he’s going to take away my time with them, again. I responded, quickly and angrily, by reminding him that he will lose my side of the deal if he broke his half. No response. I don’t know what that means.

Then he made the one with a concussion play soccer this weekend, because why should a concussion stand in the way of your life? *sigh*

Yesterday I spend home, sleeping and reading and being sad in general. I was supposed to go out with some friends but I canceled at the last moment. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I feel bad, but I couldn’t do it.

Today I feel frustrated with myself. I suppose that’s a good sign, a sign that I’m moving out of the misery and into the light again.

As for the weight–your guess is as good as mine. I’ve been well under my calories every day this weekend, so the spike in the weight is ridiculous and unexpected.

I didn’t even want to watch the new Game of Thrones last night. That should really tell you how deep in the hole I was.


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