Betrayed By My Own Body

Curse you, body!

Today I went back to the dentist. This was meant to be the end of the line on the dental work. He was going to take a mold of the two teeth we did a crown lengthening on a week and a half ago, finish out that root canal, and do the last two cavities.

Instead, CHAOS. You may recall I was complaining about the amount of pain I had in my gum behind the half completed root canal? Turns out that was my gum growing over my tooth, rubbing against the rough, drilled edge.

My gums also grew from the crown lengthening.

So instead of finishing everything, we did do the two cavities, but we ALSO:

  • cut off the offending part of the overgrown gum on the right side
  • redid the crown lengthening on the two teeth on the left side
  • temporary crowns on all three teeth

The numbing is still in effect but I’m already in agonizing pain. I’m going to get another set of the Tylenol with codeine, but it has to last me through this and also through the root canal, scheduled for this coming Friday.

I still have a few left from last time and I would love nothing more than to take one of those and go directly to bed right now, but I can’t. In an hour I have to pick up the kids and then my husband. From there, he’ll drive and I can be medicated.

Also, and this is fun, I’m running a fever. I’ve been on antibiotics for the better part of 3 weeks and I’m running a fever. I mean, it could be a virus or something but seriously. I can’t win here.

That’s what I have. Agonizing pain and suffering, with the prospect of more to come.


Bloody Surprises

When I went to the dentist last Tuesday, I thought it was for the root canal. I was so, so wrong. 

Apparently, the teeth that I had root canals on the week before needed more tooth for the crowns, and so I needed two separate crown lengthenings. 

Do you know what a crown lengthening is? Because I most definitely did not. 

Basically, to make more tooth, they remove part of your gum. It’s a form of oral surgery. 

You know that clear tube they use for suction? It was solid red for nearly two hours. I thought I was going to die. 

Then, still numb and shaky from the treatment and the pain medicine, I went to my kid’s game. The stepmom was there and the good news is, my kid appears to have been wrong. She’s not thinner than me. But it’s getting close. 

During the game, my kid got hurt and I went to get her but my ex literally ran out in front of me, grabbed her, and handed her to his wife. There are no words for the rage I felt. 

I spent the rest of the week mostly sleeping, drugging myself into sleep to avoid the pain. 

It’s not really a surprise that I hit a new all time low weight, 210.4 pounds, since I was living on yogurt, pudding and protein shakes.

On Thursday the car exploded again, forcing me to cancel at the last minute my school volunteering commitment and my therapy session. 

By Friday, the pain in the tooth that needed a root canal was so severe that even on the Tylenol with codeine I couldn’t sleep. I managed to get an appointment for Saturday, where they did the first half of the root canal, relieving the pain. 

I was so excited that yesterday, for my holiday celebration, I ate real food. Chicken! Sausages! It was awesome. Until the gums on both sides became inflamed and painful. I’m back to liquid food now.

Per my treatment plan, that’s the last root canal I needed. This Friday I go in to have the stitches in my gums removed and the root canal finished. I’ll try to talk them into doing the last of the cavity work as well. If I can, that means I’ll be done with all the invasive treatments. 

All that would be left would be the crowns, which does not involve drilling or (unless I’m mistaken) novacaine. And then a cleaning. 

Let’s all keep our fingers crossed and hope for the end of the dental work to come sooner, rather than later. I’m ready to be done with this phase of my life. 

It Takes Faith

The weight is up a bit today, because I could eat like a normal person all weekend.

Today’s weight: 213.6

In about an hour I’m going to head out to the dentist for the next round of miserable treatment. They told me they aren’t doing the root canal today but I’m going to push hard to get it done, along with the cavity next to it, because the pain is pretty terrible. It woke me last night.

If we can get the root canal and the cavity done today, I just have one more root canal left, on the upper left side, which isn’t causing me pain yet. If I can schedule it for next week, that will be the end of the invasive treatment. Next week the first crowns will go on, and then another crown each week for the following two weeks, and then I can get the cleaning done and I’ll be really done. Hopefully by the middle of June it’ll all be finished and I won’t have to worry about it any more.

This weekend the car basically exploded. We had to miss the Friday night game for the older child because of it and Saturday we took it to the shop and discovered that the engine block was cracked. It’s the end of that car’s life, and we can’t afford another one. We did that engine sealant thing and it seems to be holding for now. Until the husband can get his certifications done and get the additional money per month for them, we have to hold it together.

So now we wait and watch and hope. If we can’t keep our faith and hope alive we’ll never make it. And how are we to commit to the baby this summer, if we might not even be able to drive from one place to another?

And then there’s this.

Even if I stopped eating entirely starting today I couldn’t possibly get to a “normal” weight by this time next month. I couldn’t even get myself to the “overweight” category, since I’d have to lose another 38.6 pounds in order to get out of the obese category. It’s terrible.

And yet, what can’t be changed must be endured and so I can only do the best I can I hope for the best. For myself, and for the baby. Assuming, of course, that my body allows me to have a baby at all.

No Rest For Any of Us, Wicked or Not

Yesterday I chaperoned a field trip. I was the only parent from my class but there were many parents for the grade, and before the field trip started, we were all standing together. One of them is one of my fellow PTA members. I saw here and did the big friendly smile and wave. She looked at me and then looked past me. No response. It was terrible and hurtful. Of the other parents, most of whom I know, only one spoke to me.

Are they just terrible people? Am I so unlikable? I don’t know which it is but either way it was awful.

On the way to the field trip the car started overheating and struggling, and I barely made it there in time. The husband got a ride to the location and then took the car home and worked on it, picking me up when he could.

When we got the kids, the car overheated and we had to sit it out in the burbs until the car cooled down. We got home and I did all the kid stuff, homework and whatnot, so the husband could work on the car. The car is doing much better this morning.

I’m still in terrible pain this morning. The worst is my tongue, I really think they tried to rip it off entirely.

I’m at a new low weight this morning, not entirely surprising since I’m mostly living on protein shakes. Today’s weight: 211.4.

Tonight we have volleyball, tomorrow we have soccer (weather permitting, as there’s a chance of rain here tonight and tomorrow) and if we can at all make it, religious services, reading, homework, a party for the big one on Sunday, and more things than I can possibly even remember.

It seems like I can do dental work every week until we’re done, probably three weeks of treatments and then a couple of visits for crowns and a cleaning and then it’s over. By the end of June I should be done, we can remove the IUD and we can see if I can still produce a child.

Two Down, Two and a Half To Go

After fighting the insurance again on Monday, I finally got everything resolved yesterday and went to the new dentist.

The new dentist, thank the Lord, has an automatic payment plan. So we can do everything right away and pay for it over the next two years. I hate having to take on those kinds of payments but at least we’re in business.

And they did the two teeth that were hurting me right away.

I was in the office for nearly 6 hours. I walked there and back, fortunately not too terribly far away.

Last night I was so excited about being able to eat without major pain that I ate more than I should have, and that’s just as well, because when I tried to eat this morning it was agony. I may never eat again at this rate. I hate to upgrade my pain meds to the tylenol with codeine they gave me.

Next Tuesday they’ll do the one that should only need a filling and hope for the best.

I need to take more pain medicine now, everything hurts so much. My lips are swollen and the edge of my mouth is bleeding, and my tongue where it attaches to the bottom of my mouth feels like it’s bleeding even though it isn’t. I feel really terrible. And I need to rest today because tomorrow I’m chaperoning a field trip.

Pain, Humana, and Blows to Self-Esteem

The feeling of a knife through my face continues. I can’t sleep without half a vicodin and that only buys me 6 hours, so I’m up every morning at 4am. Like clockwork. The ibuprofen, even at high doses, is only taking the edge off the pain.

The weight today was slightly down, to 214.2. These numbers may all be slightly off, since I’m drinking at odd times to get the pain meds town.

The children told me last night that the ex-husband’s new wife had gastric bypass surgery and is now so thin that the little one can put her arms around her waist with room to spare, which is something considering the size of the small one.

I’m really disconcerted by this. When I left him, he raged at me that he would find someone younger than me, prettier than me, and thinner than me. He’d always hassled me about the weight. And so I took a certain gleeful pleasure in the fact that his new wife was always heavier than me, even at my heaviest. She’s definitely younger than me, and it’s hard to say on the prettiness. I don’t have a great nose but neither does she, and that’s both of our worst features.

Although I understand that she’s been making fun of how busty I am. Even at my thinnest, I had a big chest.

Regardless, she can now think that she has beaten me and that his initial taunt is, at last, true. It’s not going to be fun to go to the end of year events this year, let me tell you.

The good news is I spent 2.5 hours on the phone with Humana working on the dental coverage situation. The reason the estimate on the root canals was twice what I expected was because they referred me out to an endodontist. If it’s done in the regular office, it’s covered with the copay instead of treated as out of network. I called around and found a place that did the root canals in house, called the insurance back and switched my primary dentist, and then the insurance person says, is it done by a regular dentist? Because even if its in-house, we don’t cover it if its an endodontist. I called them back and yeah, it’s an endodontist.

And thus, I was back on the hunt. In the end I found one that takes my insurance and does the root canals with a regular dentist. It is located in a renovated Wendy’s. So…I have less than high hopes about this, but what can you do?

Days 37-39: Like A Knife in the Face

I don’t even care about the weight/calories/exercise situation right now.

Friday I was at about 1200, Saturday I was good except for an insane amount of chicken salad and a cupcake, yesterday I had a brownie and a sandwich and that’s about it.

I was down to 212.6 yesterday and up again today to 215.4, probably a delayed reaction to the chicken salad situation.

Friday I got to experience the joys of being shunned and watching my child fail spectacularly at elective sports. I don’t know what my ex told the coach and other parents about me but it must have been a doozy.

Saturday my husband left for an overnight party at his CEO’s house out of town. This party–an annual family barbecue that has a bunch of corporate sponsors (?!)–apparently went really well and he may have angled himself into an interview for a promotion, which is at a whole different salary range, so that’s good.

That meant that my Saturday was a solo day with the kids, which is fine, of course. I love those kids more than life. We did the little one’s sports game, which was also a bit of a fail, but those parents were far less shun-prone than the Friday night ones, so that was a win. Then we made a double batch of brownies for the end of Sunday school picnic.

Then we went out to a Shakespeare play. We left at intermission because the little one kept standing up and asking questions that were distracting people, but they seemed to understand and appreciate the first half, anyway.

The end of Sunday school came and they all enjoyed it, but I realized once I was there that I should have brought their teachers an end of school gift. Oops.

After the picnic and the field day at Sunday school, we picked up the husband and that was pretty much the end of the weekend.

The one constant was the STABBING PAIN IN THE FACE that I’ve been experiencing. The husband’s new credit card cannot come fast enough. We should be able to do the two root canals in the same quadrant on that card, which is the most that can be done in a single session anyway, and those are the ones that are causing the stabbing pain.

I’ve been taking half a vicodin as needed when the ibuprofen/excedrin combos aren’t enough but I’m running low on our vicodin supplies, and that’s the only prescription pain medicine we have here.

It’s a real problem.

I’ve taken to letting all food come to room temperature before eating to minimize the pain, but there’s also this weird swelling under my tongue on that side, which is making eating anything crunchy or even a little acidic impossible.

It’s mostly coming to protein shakes and lunch meat. Not great. On the other hand, if I can avoid eating more chicken salad (WHY IS IT SO DELICIOUS??) this could work out for my weight loss plans.