Pain, Humana, and Blows to Self-Esteem

The feeling of a knife through my face continues. I can’t sleep without half a vicodin and that only buys me 6 hours, so I’m up every morning at 4am. Like clockwork. The ibuprofen, even at high doses, is only taking the edge off the pain.

The weight today was slightly down, to 214.2. These numbers may all be slightly off, since I’m drinking at odd times to get the pain meds town.

The children told me last night that the ex-husband’s new wife had gastric bypass surgery and is now so thin that the little one can put her arms around her waist with room to spare, which is something considering the size of the small one.

I’m really disconcerted by this. When I left him, he raged at me that he would find someone younger than me, prettier than me, and thinner than me. He’d always hassled me about the weight. And so I took a certain gleeful pleasure in the fact that his new wife was always heavier than me, even at my heaviest. She’s definitely younger than me, and it’s hard to say on the prettiness. I don’t have a great nose but neither does she, and that’s both of our worst features.

Although I understand that she’s been making fun of how busty I am. Even at my thinnest, I had a big chest.

Regardless, she can now think that she has beaten me and that his initial taunt is, at last, true. It’s not going to be fun to go to the end of year events this year, let me tell you.

The good news is I spent 2.5 hours on the phone with Humana working on the dental coverage situation. The reason the estimate on the root canals was twice what I expected was because they referred me out to an endodontist. If it’s done in the regular office, it’s covered with the copay instead of treated as out of network. I called around and found a place that did the root canals in house, called the insurance back and switched my primary dentist, and then the insurance person says, is it done by a regular dentist? Because even if its in-house, we don’t cover it if its an endodontist. I called them back and yeah, it’s an endodontist.

And thus, I was back on the hunt. In the end I found one that takes my insurance and does the root canals with a regular dentist. It is located in a renovated Wendy’s. So…I have less than high hopes about this, but what can you do?

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