It Takes Faith

The weight is up a bit today, because I could eat like a normal person all weekend.

Today’s weight: 213.6

In about an hour I’m going to head out to the dentist for the next round of miserable treatment. They told me they aren’t doing the root canal today but I’m going to push hard to get it done, along with the cavity next to it, because the pain is pretty terrible. It woke me last night.

If we can get the root canal and the cavity done today, I just have one more root canal left, on the upper left side, which isn’t causing me pain yet. If I can schedule it for next week, that will be the end of the invasive treatment. Next week the first crowns will go on, and then another crown each week for the following two weeks, and then I can get the cleaning done and I’ll be really done. Hopefully by the middle of June it’ll all be finished and I won’t have to worry about it any more.

This weekend the car basically exploded. We had to miss the Friday night game for the older child because of it and Saturday we took it to the shop and discovered that the engine block was cracked. It’s the end of that car’s life, and we can’t afford another one. We did that engine sealant thing and it seems to be holding for now. Until the husband can get his certifications done and get the additional money per month for them, we have to hold it together.

So now we wait and watch and hope. If we can’t keep our faith and hope alive we’ll never make it. And how are we to commit to the baby this summer, if we might not even be able to drive from one place to another?

And then there’s this.

Even if I stopped eating entirely starting today I couldn’t possibly get to a “normal” weight by this time next month. I couldn’t even get myself to the “overweight” category, since I’d have to lose another 38.6 pounds in order to get out of the obese category. It’s terrible.

And yet, what can’t be changed must be endured and so I can only do the best I can I hope for the best. For myself, and for the baby. Assuming, of course, that my body allows me to have a baby at all.


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