The Darkest Day of the Year

Yesterday was the darkest day of my year. Every year, it’s the same. There’s a day  the beginning of June when the children go to their father’s house and they won’t be back until July. This is the longest period of time for me to not have access to the children, every year. It’s rough.

This year, for the first time, the girls went back in the morning–a victory from last summer’s legislation–instead of in the evening. Yesterday morning, the husband took the girls back and headed into work, and I had the entire day to fill. I made a ridiculously strong drink because generally speaking I prefer to numb myself on those days, or to sleep through it.

But  yesterday for the first time, I didn’t want to do any of the usual things. I couldn’t drink the drink. I didn’t want to sleep. The most destructive thing I did was eat an intense amount of bread and watch junk TV.

Today, inexplicably, I’m back down to the lower end of the recent weights, sitting at 210.2. I’d have expected another increase after the amount of bread I ate. It’s possible it’s trying to stalk me and I’ll see that bread increase tomorrow.

And today I’m back to work. I’m working on an ebook for someone else for not nearly enough money. I think, really, that’s what I should be doing, writing my own ebooks on various topics. Research has always been my strength.

I’m also trying to get some housework done and once the worst of the daily heat fades off I’ll take the dogs out for a walk and get my body back into gear. Instead of pushing harder like I was at the beginning of this and doing weights and hard core cardio, I think consistency is the key. Twice daily walks with the dogs is the primary goal now, that and getting the house routines together before we start trying for the baby.


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