Halloween, aka “EAT ALL THE THINGS!”

I don’t want to know what I weigh today. Nor did I want to know what I weighed yesterday. Halloween is a rough holiday. There were ROLOS in the candy bag we bought. My children suggested that we’ve never had rolos in this house, which is possible, since I’ve been trying to be good, but that streak definitely ended this weekend.

Meanwhile, I did a good streak of work last week, and hope to continue that streak this week, although if today’s progress is any indication that is not to be.

Also happening today is the beginning of the new eating plan. I had a big salad for lunch although I realized too late that I’d forgotten the avocado I was supposed to put on it. Breakfast was supposed to be low-fat greek yogurt with a scoop of protein powder in it. I have news for you: you mix a full scoop of protein powder into a cup of yogurt and the entire thing will be grainy and terrible. I ate maybe half of it. We’ll cut the protein scoop in half tomorrow and see how that goes.

In other news, yet another fight with the husband this weekend. We almost never fight, but it’s been happening a lot lately. In this case, I thought he was lying about his motivation. Apparently, if I think he’s lying, that’s a fundamental distrust of him as a person and a deep questioning of his integrity and he cannot handle it.

In my world, considering my background, this is a lot to ask of me. I trust him not to hit me, not to hit or molest the kids, and considering that all of those things were regular features of my first marriage, I think I’ve made a significant leap. It’s part of the trend of all these fights, that if I’m not perfect, he’s mad at me. And I hate it.

And it makes me dig my feet in harder. Would I have overcome my exhaustion and cleaned the house this morning if he hadn’t flipped out on me this weekend? Would I have buckled down and done some more work if he hadn’t?

Which is crazy, because these failings only hurt me. I like a clean house. I like money.

It’s something that I’m working through.


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