Start Over

Every so often I start over. I erase everything, everything. All my to do lists, all my goal lists, all my everything lists, and just start fresh.

I’m doing that now. Except for my reading list, which was painstakingly assembled and still reflects something of value to me.

I’m tired. The baby has changed the shape of my life, which was expected. But I’m restless, too. It feels a little bit like going home for Christmas after being away at school for a few years. The old life doesn’t really fit but you can’t figure out how to shake it off and reapply the new.

I’ve been told that my c-section incision is infected, again. The endocrinologist is dropping my dosage and won’t give me the medication I want. My therapist started her own practice and doesn’t take my insurance so I have to start over with a new therapist. Next week I have to see the allergist, the OB again, and the baby is getting his first set of shots.

School starts a week from Monday. Before then I have to see my ex at least twice and probably more often.

The holidays are coming, and with them stress and financial issues.

I feel like I’ve had my feet kicked out from under me and when I looked up from that, I was staring down the barrel of a gun.

Reset. Start fresh.

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