This is what it’s like, when you have depression. You go through your life and you’re doing ok, and then depression sneaks up on you. It’s like when you watch nature shows and the lion takes out the gazelle.
I do not like being a gazelle in this situation.
What I’m having as an issue right now, though, is the mental paralysis.
You know when you’re smushed up against the side of the car because there’s too many people in it? Or when you’re sitting between two big people on an airplane? And you can’t move properly and you feel trapped?
That’s what my brain is doing.
Think about how hard it is to open your airline snacks when you’re trapped like that, and that’s how hard thinking has been for me this past week or so. It’s like I have to focus and work hard to complete a single thought of any value.
And it’s frustrating, too.
Everything is much harder in this situation. Planning is hard. Talking is hard. Decision making is very hard. It’s all tricky.
The good news is that I have found a new therapist (the old one is not covered by this year’s insurance) and I start on Friday. I hope to have some better thought processes sometime soon.